(2) Understand Everyone’s Interests

So we’ve decided that our problem (🥥) is that we don’t want to do what is required for change (wrapped in a complaint like “I hate going hiking every time my husband and I go out together”) blocked by the notion you should have to be dealing with this in the first place because of xy and z (such as none of your friends always have to go hiking with their husbands). It would be great if we could jump right into solving this problem but we don’t quite have enough information to do that yet. We have to get an understanding of how others interests will effect our ability to make the change.

See, the solution to our problem won’t work UNLESS everything and everyone we want to include is satisfied by our solution. We often ignore our true interests as we become attached to one particular solution. So who will be effected if I change this, and do I care? Let me list all the types of people who would be effected by a change in my life: myself, husband, kids, friends and extended family. There may be other people who need to be considered in your solution. The best solution is the one that satisfies everyone’s interests (especially when you’re a mom).

The step we will be working on today is active listening and information gathering. You will need to explain the way you want to actually start making changes. See if the people in you life have any concerns or suggestions and listen with the intention to understand. Let me give you an example:

I want to actually do what it takes to do something with my husband other than hiking. And I need to figure out how this will effect the following people:

myself – I will need to assert to my husband that I want to make a change and come up with alternate activities. It won’t be easy to begin this conflict.

husband – My husband will have to be more flexible in activities. Not sure how that will go.

kids – If my husband doesn’t agree with the change and I really want it to happen, there may be conflict that effects the kids.

friends – Hopefully friends wont get involved but if they do I will have to consider how it would effect friendships.

extended family – Again hopefully extended family won’t get involved but if it becomes a problem that gets relayed to others I will need to be prepared for that as well.

Now that you have gathered this information you can move onto the next step which will be brainstorming solutions. And because you took the time to do a little research you can make quality decisions there. Maybe you are going to decide to prioritize some feedback over others. Maybe you can now see more clearly the difficulties involved in making this change.

And remember, the random example I gave above is only to show you how to go about collecting information. You need to insert your own particular 🥥 in there and ask some tough questions of yourself and others in your life. If you do this you will be ready for the next step! Keep up the good work!